I just read this beautiful piece by Rania Naim, You Are allowed to Leave. It has me thinking about my relationship to leaving.
What I know for sure is that when I’m done, I. am. done. When I hit that point, it’s not hard to leave. It’s flipping painful. But, it’s not hard.
Here’s what is hard… getting to done.
It’s hard knowing I am going to hurt someone’s heart. It’s hard knowing my heart is going to hurt for weeks, or possibly months. It’s hard knowing that I probably won’t ever know that person again. It’s hard failing… again.
On the other hand, it’s a powerful feeling knowing that I choose myself. Every time. While I’ve gotten myself into situations that ended up not being the best for me, I will always get myself out. I find comfort in knowing that I am my own knight in shining armor.
And, with that said, I’ve gotten less cavalier with my heart. Where at one time, I jumped in thinking that I had to give it my all if I wanted it to work. Now, I hang back (or choose not to even go there). Because while you are allowed to leave. It takes it toll. At least, it’s taken a toll on me.
Like an injury, you can come back from it, but you’ll never be 100% again. I think that’s how it is with my heart. It doesn’t ever come all the way back. So, I’m more careful with who I take a chance on… and, that’s fine by me.