Friendships have always been an important part of my life, but their importance shot through the roof post-divorce. In the space of one decision, I went from having “a person” to count on for all things domestic (and beyond), to having thirty persons to count on.
It makes me wonder if I/we put too much pressure on our ‘significant other’ relationships. It’s clear to me in hindsight that at the start of my marriage, and throughout, I had a notion that because I had myself, as well as, “my person” to depend on, I didn’t need to worry about depending on others for more that fun and fellowship. And, I’m pretty sure that the feeling was mutual on E.’s part.
Wow, no pressure.
So, one of the gifts of this single life is the realization that I/we can and should spread the “dependence” around. ‘It takes a village’ is alive and well here at Chez Gretchen.
This week it fell to my friend, B., who helped me hang 30 pieces of art throughout my apartment. This is the third time in seven years that she has descended upon my home with hammer and ladder in tow to lend a hand. But she did more than that.
Hanging artwork is not an easy job for one person. And when you add in one of your best friends (who has mad placement and hanging skills) and wine… hilarity ensues. And art gets hung.
Mission accomplished. And, I’m left feeling so grateful for my urban tribe.
2 comments on “It takes more than two to tango”
Awesome thoughts! I SO Agree!
I’m reading a psychology book right now, and Martin Seligman (positive psychology guy) writes about this. His friend Dr Schieffelin is a cultural anthropologist and has tried, without success, to find an equivalent of this concept of being overwhelmed (and depression,even) in the Kaluli, a stone-age tribe in New Guinea. Turns out, they ALWAYS have a community to help them. When a Kaluli’s pig runs away and the owner displays grief over the loss, the tribe gives him/her another pig. AND SAME WITH PARTNERS! If a couple breaks down, the tribe just helps out more with the children, etc.
We have lost this type of community in our oh-so-pro-indivualist society, and everything is dumped on the nuclear family, or the single person. It’s impossible! As a single gal I often feel overwhelmed and then pity myself, and then I talk to my married friends and discover they are going through the same thing. They have each other, but two is not enough. It really does take a village! (Thanks Hillary….)
Friends are the best ! They are our village.
It’s a pleasure to have you in my village! xo